My Friday Night Broken Heart

Last Friday our church had a documentary screening on human-trafficking. It wasn’t our typical relax-over-homemade-pizza-and-TV Friday activity, but we decided to go anyway, reluctant as we were.

The video was about 90 minutes long, and afterwards there was a panel of church leaders and members who shared how they were helping in the area and around the world to fight the problem. J wanted to stick around and talk with some people at a few tables afterwards. We bought a Tiny Hands bracelet at a booth, and then I asked if we could go. He tried to make conversation on the way to the car, but I just couldn’t speak.

Once our car doors shut, I lost it.

For five minutes in the church parking lot, I cried uncontrollably. Deep gut-wrenching sobs. I wept for the orphans sold into slavery. I wept for the girls herded and bargained like cattle. I wept for the children whose parents permitted, even encouraged, a lifestyle of prostitution, because it was more profitable than other professions. I wept for the women on display in Amsterdam windows for men to purchase for the night. I wept for the women who were tricked by the glamor of a Pretty Woman happy ending, stuck in abusive and violent lifestyles. I wept for the millions of children sexually abused by trusted family members, beginning a life of shame and fear and self-worthlessness.

But above all, I wept because I felt so helpless. The problem was so huge. The number of women too high. The trafficking too smart. The corruption too big. How could I do anything to make even a dent in this problem? It was too much, the evil too great.

It’s easy for me, and most of us I think, to feel helpless and then move on. Feel sad, but chalk it up to another issue we can’t do anything about. Go about our lives and assume someone else will handle it. Someone with more resources and more leadership and more access for change.

But then I think of the African slave trade. Abolition didn’t happen over night, and it didn’t happen from one person single-handedly abolishing slavery. It took years of hard work and awareness and advocation and reform from thousands of individuals who cared enough about the lives and humanity of those persecuted.

I want my grandkids to learn about this issue in their history class. I want it to be a horrible thing that used to happen. On the same list of past horrors like the Holocaust, African slavery, genocide. I want them to ask me if I did anything to help, and I want my answer to be yes. To show them tangible ways of how an average middle-class girl in North Carolina can make a difference, albiet small, in changing the world for the better.

 

Here is the trailer for the video, Nefarious: Merchant of Souls.

On Blogging, Boston & Fridays

Oy! How is it Friday already and this is my first post? I didn’t mean to take a blogging break on here, but I guess I needed one. To be honest, I am in a bit of a blogging rut lately. I go through spurts where I love blogging and have dozens of posts I can’t wait to write and get on here… and other times, not so much.

I’m blaming this break on the weather. Since I work full time, I have to write these blog posts either before work, after work or on the weekends. And lately the last thing I want to do is get behind a computer screen any more than I have to. Spring is too short, and I want to experience as much as I can before it turns to hot, humid summer.

This week I have been sad for Boston. And angry. There are a lot of things to fear when you run a marathon–the trek, the pain, the mental strain–but fearing for your life should not be one of them. And crossing the finish line after hours of running is such a sense of joy and relief and accomplishment! I hate that was taken from some people. Supporters and volunteers are so vital and precious to the race. When I approached the finish line at the Charleston Marathon my sisters, husband, parents, friends, and hard-working volunteers were there, cheering and supporting me. This week there was a friend, parent, husband, sister, volunteer that was injured or killed, and that makes me sad.

Growing up, I liked to view God only as loving, full of grace and goodness. Stories about God’s wrath and judgment scared me. But as I have gotten older and learned more about the evil in this world and the character of God, justice has become one of my favorite qualities. God is not only compassionate, loving, and gracious, but equally just and righteous, demanding payment for all evil in this world. It isn’t scary any more, but comforting to know that all of the wrong in this world will one day be made right.

On a lighter note, it’s Friday and the weekend is upon us! Sometimes I marvel at how sweet Fridays are. They come once a week, consistently every seven days, but each time there is a happy energy in the air that fun and rest are coming. I enjoy working and love staying busy, but each time Friday rolls around I realize how powerfully sweet a break from our routine can be. And how happy that it comes once a week!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Sunday is Coming

Good Friday was the arguably the worst day in the history of mankind.

Jesus — a man who controlled the weather, healed the sick, comforted the brokenhearted, fought for social justice, and sought to bring a kingdom of peace in the midst of an oppressive Roman government — was crucified. His closest friends, the men who quit their careers and followed him like nomads, deserted him and denied their connections with him. He was beaten, mocked, and put through excruciating physical pain. Worst of all, the relationship that had forever existed between Jesus and the Father, an eternal oneness in Love that no one can even comprehend, was severed. This was a pain so great no human can even fathom.

What is good about a day like this? It should be named Worst Friday.

And Saturday? It should be called Sorrowful Saturday. After Jesus’ body was put in the tomb, it was eerily quiet. A day of so many unanswered questions. The disciples felt foolish for wasting three years for a man that just… died. They wondered, after witnessing thousands of miracles, why Jesus wouldn’t fight back. He just… gave up. The new kingdom they longed for vanished and they were left disappointed and devastated.

It was Bad Friday, until we get to Sunday.

Sunday — the resurrection. Jesus rose from the grave and conquered death forever. The veil was torn in the temple, providing a way for all people to enter the presence of God. The wrath of God for all the sins of the world were poured out on His perfect son, so that we might be called blameless. We are not only forgiven, but counted righteous. It was the greatest gift for those who believed, followed by an even sweeter gift — the promise of his Spirit to give us abundant life. This terrible day ended up being a victorious, beautiful day or redemption, love and hope.

 

Many of us are going through Friday right now. A time when evil is winning. Surrounded by pain and sorrow and disappointment and brokenness and death. Or maybe we are on Saturday, that quiet day after a tragedy filled with so many unanswered questions. We look at our circumstances and ask, Why would this happen? How on earth can anything good come from this?

But my friends — Sunday is coming. It’s coming! It has been written and planned before time. It will happen! We are the lucky ones this side of the cross to get a sneak peak into the end of the story. And spoiler alert: Good wins. Evil will be wiped from the earth, and there will never be any darkness, because the glory from the Lord will fill the earth. We will have new, perfect bodies, without sickness. There will be no strife or jealousy, but only love and goodness. These things are promised for those who look back at that weekend two thousand years ago and say, Yes, that happened. I believe. 

I am thankful for this weekend, for so many reasons. It gives me great hope. The hope that one day we will look back on all of the days where it looked like evil prevailed, and call them Good.

Growing the Good: Would you like to partner with me?

After a lot of thought, I have decided to add sponsorships to My Pretty Pennies. If every unit is purchased each month, the income generated will total $210 a month.

Y’all. I’d love to have $210 more a month. I could put that towards our savings! I could buy more clothes! We could eat out more! We could move into a house sooner!

But a strange thing has happened: every time I start to write a post announcing my sponsorships, something in me hesitates. A little voice inside me says, Wait. Not just yet. The more I hesitated, the more I realized I don’t want just anyone to sponsor this blog. I want friends, partners to be on the sidebar over there. I want shops and sites that I love and support to be showcased to my readers.

And when I think about it, I am making $200 more a month than I did last year. More than $200, in fact, with my job change. But I’ve forgotten the joy of getting that extra amount in my paycheck. Can I not be content with the money we have now, without wanting more? Am I too consumed with the treasures on this earth, than to be content with what I have?

Yet, I’m still going to offer sponsorships.

But instead of pocketing that cash, it will be given away. Anyone who wants to sponsor here will essentially be donating their money to charity (without the benefits of a tax break, of course).

As for where this will be given away, that will vary by month based on the needs. Some months it may help formal non-profit organizations, others may go towards local efforts, and some may just help bloggers (I trust) who are adopting and need help bringing their baby home.

Would you like to partner with me?

There are three different units priced at $30, $20 or $10 a month. You will be donating to a good cause, plus gaining exposure to a large audience of devoted readers. Visit this sponsorships page to learn more about the units available and the readers behind this blog.

I am so, so excited about this opportunity and look forward to see what good comes out of this partnership!

Proverbs 3-27

PS – Please note, I have NO problem with bloggers who offer sponsorships on their site and make money on it! I understand everyone is different and don’t want this to come across as judging those who do offer sponsorships. :)

PPS - In case you are wondering, I will continue to have digital banner ads on the sidebar running and will occasionally accept affiliate or sponsored posts. The proceeds from this will go into growing the blog.

PPPS – Also, if you don’t have a blog, shop or site, but want to donate, contact me for more info. :)

PPPPS – I am using the phrase “Growing the Good” from Melissa at Dear Baby, since it best represents my purpose.

PPPPPS – How many post scripts can you have at once? I think I’ve broken that grammar rule… tehe.

Our 2012 Tax Refund

Guess what time it is, y’all: Tax refund time!

happy endings throwing money gif

(Well, for those who are getting a refund. Sorry, this gif may not be very nice to those who have to pay….)

Each year we try to fill out our W2s in a matter that will always give us back a little bit each year. Other personal finance gurus feel differently, but that’s how I roll. This year we are getting $481 back. Not too bad, but not nearly as great as last year.*

The $481 Question:
What to do with this extra money?

Answer:
Lots of things.

We could spend it on something lovely for our home or a gadget or a weekend getaway. But there’s nothing we really need right now and J has limited vacation days this year. The next natural place would be to save it. Right now we are saving for a house deposit, and every pretty penny counts. But we do that every month and it seems kind boring to lump in that amount with our other savings. It would bring us closer to our goal, but we kind of want this to go towards something fun, even if we don’t use it today. Then I remembered our Big Trip! We have $2,000 saved already, thanks to my dear grandmother, and it’s been rather neglected as we don’t plan to go anytime soon. Perfect! That’s where this money will go. :)

Once we put our money in the savings account, we found out one of our friends is going to Africa to do relief work in Sudan. He’s a good friend, and when we heard about his trip and the work he will be doing there, we were so excited and wanted to be a part of it. So we decided instead to give all our tax refund to his trip.

I debated sharing this on here. No one likes a humble brag, and it kind of sounds like I’m saying, Look at me! I’m giving away my tax refund! But I share this to show how much God has changed my heart in the last few years, and to encourage you to give, if you have never done it before.

My natural tendencies are to hoard money. To save, save, save as much as I can so that I can never be in want ever again. But God tells us to trust that He will provide for us. And he asks us to be generous. The more I give, the more I can see a change in my heart. It’s also so exciting to be a part of his work! I may not be traveling to Sudan physically, but I’m still very much a part of that project and I can’t wait to see how God uses my friend and our resources to further his kingdom.

Are you getting back a tax refund this year? What are you planning to do with your refund?

*In case you’re curious, here’s a recap of how I’ve spent my refund for the past few years:

Winter in the Woods

I love the woods in the winter. I love that familiar paths you take in the summer look completely different. Everything seems more open, more spacious. I love that you can walk through thick brush without running into spider webs. I love that earthy, wet smell walking over leaves that have been dead for months. I love the cold air that fills your lungs and makes you feel alert and alive.

Sunday afternoon was one of those classic, cold, sunny North Carolina winter days. I decided to take Leia to the Umstead State Park, a huge park of forests and trails in the middle of Raleigh. We hiked for a long time, trying to get lost, but my sense of direction always took me back to a trail I knew.

I’m the kind of person who likes to keep moving. Rush to the next meeting, the next activity, the next goal, the next season. My mind is going so fast, from activity to activity, it’s like I’m a cartoon character, barely touching the ground as I go. But being in nature grounds me. During those hours of hiking, just my sweet pup and me, I experienced that rare, beautiful moment of stillness and peace.

Umstead State Park

Umstead State Park

umstead state park

Umstead State Park

Umstead State Park

Umstead State Park

Umstead State Park

Umstead State Park

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” – Psalm 46:10

PS – Raleigh locals, have any of you been to the Umstead State Park? What are your favorite trails? Also, a post about the park in autumn.

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