Can I share some frustrations with you guys today?
Every time that I think I’m doing something cool in blogging, taking one step forward, BAM. Something happens to knock me off that pedestal and move two steps backwards. Every. single. time. And the frustrating part is it’s always my fault. My limited CSS, coding, blogging fault.
Take, for example, the day that I ended the 31 days series a couple of week ago. I tweeted about it and a few other girls (who I respect, admire and have a huge twitter following) retweeted it. Yay! A chance to get more exposure! A chance for really awesome, cool people to see my blog!
Almost immediately after I tweeted, BAM. A plugin failed and my hosting site had to take down My Pretty Pennies for about four hours.
Then! A new blog design! A chance to actually look like a legitimate blogger! It was beautiful, working beautifully! Yay!
And then yesterday I had the nerve to try to add simple “Pin It” html coding to the theme and BAM. The theme stopped working altogether, the site wasn’t pulling up, my hosting site told me I needed to delete the theme from the backend and start from scratch. (That’s why, in case you didn’t notice, all the pretty elements from Monday’s post are gone.)
I wish I could tell you that I took all of these mistakes in stride and said “Oh no big deal! It’s just a silly site!” But I didn’t. I was devastated, as embarrassing as that is to admit.
And I had to ask myself — why am I so upset? What is it about this site that gets me so unraveled?
The answer wasn’t very pretty, as is all sin when we realize it in our lives. Pride. The pride of wanting to look like i have it all together. LIke I’m some awesome, cool blogger that thousands of people should read. I see what others are doing and think, why can’t I be like that? I was reminded by my friend Caroline’s post the other day of a quote that hit very close to home: Comparison is the thief of joy.
Perhaps God is using these failures to teach me that I hold too much value in what other people think. That I need to be content with where I am and not worry so much about whether or not people read this. If no one ever saw this little corner of the Internet, would I care? I would like to think no, but I know deep down my answer is yes. I do care, and I need to not.
God isn’t asking me to be the best blogger out there, because guess what? The world already has the best. He’s asking me to be Ginna. A redeemed daughter of the King, forgiven and loved, who shouldn’t worry about stats or numbers, but is content and in everything giving thanks. To be authentic. To care of others and share my heart.
So that’s what I’m trying to do today — I’m hanging my hat on trying to be the best.
I may get back my pretty theme eventually and may learn a few CSS tricks to help me along the way (since obviously my html coding knowledge is seriously lacking), but I am going to trust that if God wants this blog to be super popular, He’ll make it so. And if not? Then it’s not! I don’t want to make my own little kingdom beyond what He has planned for me. And I already have some of the nicest, most genuine readers on the planet. Who needs more?
And as for those aforementioned readers: thank you for reading. Thank you so much. I know that you guys could care less if I had a pretty site or not, and it’s humbling to admit this to you guys today. You guys seriously are the best. (Oh, and I’m sorry this Friday post is not as lovely as my usual ones. They’ll be back, don’t worry.:)